Paper Addict

— do you have a problem with notebooks?

“No I don’t need another notebook.”

I tell myself this ten minutes into fawning over an empty notebook.

“I haven’t finished filling up the other five notebooks I have at home.”

It’s difficult but I have to force myself to put stationary down.

Today was different. I was finally worthy of owning a new notebook.

I’ve filled enough notebooks in my life. The five unfilled notebooks–now six–will all eventually be used up.

I used to think each notebook needed to have a specific purpose. A black leather bound one for my deepest thoughts, a pink one for my cooking notes, a blue one for future plans, a brown one for interesting things I find online…

“It’d be wasteful to get a new notebook. I don’t have any other categories to cover!”

Why do I even want a new notebook?

New paper is exciting. How it feels in my hand, how the pages turn, how the lines divide the sheets…I’m interested because it’s different than what I have at home. If I get far enough and take a notebook home, I can feel how different the pen writes.

While browsing paper today, I realized I’ve never been good at compartmentalizing my thoughts. Sometimes I create lists in the notebook for my deepest thoughts, sometimes I write cooking notes in the one for internet notes…there aren’t that many thoughts journaled in the right place. All my notebooks, no matter the original intention, become a place to put any random thought.

New notebooks will be no different. They’ll eventually run out of pages once I fill them up. Nothing will go to waste. I’ll eventually get rid of them like I get rid of everything else.

I’m finally worthy of new notebooks.

journal

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what happens after a taste is acquired

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Not forgetting those who can't read

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