13 Feb '18 — do you have a problem with notebooks?
“No I don’t need another notebook.”
I tell myself this ten minutes into fawning over an empty notebook.
“I haven’t finished filling up the other five notebooks I have at home.”
It’s difficult but I have to force myself to put stationary down.
Today was different. I was finally worthy of owning a new notebook.
I’ve filled enough notebooks in my life. The five unfilled notebooks–now six–will all eventually be used up.
I used to think each notebook needed to have a specific purpose. A black leather bound one for my deepest thoughts, a pink one for my cooking notes, a blue one for future plans, a brown one for interesting things I find online…
“It’d be wasteful to get a new notebook. I don’t have any other categories to cover!”
Why do I even want a new notebook?
New paper is exciting. How it feels in my hand, how the pages turn, how the lines divide the sheets…I’m interested because it’s different than what I have at home. If I get far enough and take a notebook home, I can feel how different the pen writes.
While browsing paper today, I realized I’ve never been good at compartmentalizing my thoughts. Sometimes I create lists in the notebook for my deepest thoughts, sometimes I write cooking notes in the one for internet notes…there aren’t that many thoughts journaled in the right place. All my notebooks, no matter the original intention, become a place to put any random thought.
New notebooks will be no different. They’ll eventually run out of pages once I fill them up. Nothing will go to waste. I’ll eventually get rid of them like I get rid of everything else.
I’m finally worthy of new notebooks.