Not Interesting Enough

— Found my nosy self

Nicole Kidman on her porch featured on a Youtube video. After watching Big little Lies, I couldn't help but take interest in the actress.

I know she was married to Tom Cruise for a while, and then they got divorced...wait, how do I know all this? It's crazy how I remember important facts about other people's life but not my own!.

The more headspace I give to others, the less I have myself. How much can I focus on my life if I'm thinking about others? Could you imagine how much collective headspace is thinking about celebrities?

I want to start winning my headspace back. I want to be as attentive in my life as much as I've been attentive to others.

Recently I've been exploring what I'm being influenced by. What foods influence my body and mood, what media makes me think a certain way. Today I realized I don't actively choose the media I consume. There's always something next, something suggested. I hardly have the space to consciously make a choice on what I want to read, hear, or watch.

Since there are so many influencers, celebrity has extended to a enormous number of people. Just by empathizing with a person on youtube, I find myself interested in their personal life. Getting info on another's personal life, I get excited, similar to hearing about Brangelina, and similar to indulging in junk food. Am I that nosy? I love knowing what others are up to. However, the consequences linger and come later. The thoughts of who did what and who is dating who and who feels what take up so much of my attention when I'm going about my day. Whenever the thoughts show up, I loose focus on what's happening in front of me.

Maybe others are not as sensitive to this. I don't know why I get derailed so easily. It uses up a lot of energy and I need more energy so I'm looking to limit stories I follow. Perhaps it's a symptom of something else. Why am I interested in other people's lives? Maybe I'm bored with my own? If I'm too busy enjoying my life, doing things I'm interested in, I wouldn't have time to learn about others.

I guess I need to do more things that interest me.



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