10 Oct '18 — let's keep out of touch
This is the first year a bunch of friends stop responding.
Every year, a couple messages are sent between me and old friends. They’re people I’ve worked with, went to school with. We haven’t seen each other in many years, but there’s always an email that goes out followed by a short exchange.
This year, most stopped responding.
It seemed like just the right amount of time had passed. No one bothered to visit, the relationship might as well not exist. Time is too precious to be used to maintain such a thing.
I didn’t anticipate this happening. But perhaps, because I’m not on social media, I’m more aware of the phenomenon.
The only info I receive from friends is through the email I get from them. I can’t infer what happened in their lives from photos or comments they make on different posts. I’d have to be significantly more interesting than anyone else they follow. The cost to ‘stay in touch’ is lower with people on facebook. I’m basically charging a premium to be friends.
I was a bit sad, but then again, perhaps I am no longer the same person when I was close to them. I feel like friendships are driven by certain wavelengths, similarities in how you see things and think at a particular time of your life.
If the work to keep in touch isn’t worth it, the friendship is probably not worth it. That’s part of the reason why I got off facebook–too many convenient friends who are in touch–I ended up spending too much time with people who weren’t exactly in the same wavelength.
There are other old friends, however, who continue to respond. Wavelengths may not last forever, but for the time being, some still overlap. And if lost friends veer towards my wavelength again, they’ll serendipitously fall back into my life, just as they had serendipitously fell into it before.