In a Funk
07 Aug '17 — Finding my way back
"You gotta trust yourself"
I snapped out. A reminder appeared in my head.
How did I get carried away? This morning the world persuaded me that I can't be trusted. I'm totally wrong about EVERYTHING!
I felt left behind. I got angry. 'Why did I date that guy I had lukewarm feelings for? I wouldn't have gone to business school. Why did I travel after graduating?' I was wrong in not getting a real job, one worthy of my degree and the loan payments that came with it. Most of all, I was wrong in starting this blog--doing what I believed was right for me.
I woke up with a strange feeling. I didn't look forward to anything in the future and there wasn't a single moment in the past I yearned for. This was all there was and ever will be. As good as it gets. And it sucks! What's the point?!
I thought about it. Imagined grabbing something sharp. Unfortunately I can't handle the tiniest prick.
Maybe because I awoke to loud neighbors drunk at four in the morning or perhaps my mood was the result of a bad caffeine high that lasted through the night.
Getting up groggy, I went to the computer and looked on Indeed.com. "Must have 3+, coordinate with...in a professional manner..."
That helped me snap out. I've been down the same road with these real jobs. Each time I advance 'in a professional manner', I'm led further on a path of more confusion. That's why I started this blog.
Perhaps I will crash and burn. I don't know any other way.