05 May '18 — anxiety attack
now how do I get down?
There were boulders leading to a rock wall over 600 feet. A small trail led in and out and all around crumbling boulders.
My husband and I were looking for the trailhead. We crossed the railroad tracks as instructed in the information found online. However, the instructions were vague. Follow the road right… there was a trail that led right. Was this the road or was the railroad the road?
My husband led us to the trail on the right. I could see his excitement–the place was an adult playground. The first obstacle was to drop from a large boulder. We had to climb down and walk between two larger boulders to continue.
I was reluctant because anywhere in nature where there’s a cavelike dwelling–it’s a great place to shit. In pictures, these places look amazing but in real life, they’re moist and you never know what’s been lurking down there.
After we climbed out, there were metal bars on the rock surface. You had to climb up several feet to continue. I was not prepared for this amount of balancing.
‘Just getting to the trailhead takes this much work? I bet we’re on the wrong track.’
I trembled, I was scared being much higher than I expected without much support. Hopping across a few more boulders, we came to a footbridge. It was a sturdy one but made from planks with gaps. Anyone could fall.
Right after there was an even scarier bridge. Made of chains and planks, it wavered with each step. I was not having fun.
After crossing over another large boulder, I saw that the path led to even more footbridges that swayed.
“No, I don’t think this is the way.” My husband was already running ahead. “I don’t even want to try.”
I was upset.
As we turned back I noticed many rock climbers. They were hundreds of feet in the air. Totally unafraid.
I got back to the footbridge, the really scary one. ‘Why can’t I just go over it? Those people are hundreds of feet up.’
Looking down, there were tons of rocks ready to kill me. I sat down and cried.
I couldn’t take the heights, the unsecured walkways. I didn’t know how scared I was until I broke down.
After crying, I crawled my way across the bridge all the way back to the railroad tracks. We reread the instructions and followed the flat tracks and found the trailhead. When we entered, I saw that the other trail we’d been on, through the jungle of boulders, would have led to the same place.
Today’s hike to the summit was challenging but it was challenging in a way I’d enjoy. I had to crawl on my hands and knees to pull myself up. That’s the kind of playground fun I prefer.