Eyes on Me
04 Jan '18 — How to find new interests
‘Oh let me not look like a fool.’
I’d tell myself this over and over during my first month of yoga. Unfamiliar with the poses, I was extremely self-conscious. I felt as if all eyes were on me.
As I got better over time, I started enjoying the poses for the feeling. It felt great getting tight areas pulled apart. Bodily sensations took up all focus. Slowly, I stopped thinking about the eyes, the ones I imagined were on me, judging me throughout the exercise.
When yoga switched from being a performance, I felt free to experiment. No eyes were watching so there was no pressure. I could fall on my face, tumble onto my neighbor’s mat, wreck havoc trying things I didn’t have the guts to before.
There have been other interests that have taken a similar path.
When I started blogging, I’d take weeks to write a post. ‘What will people think if I say this?’
At the time I didn’t realize how unlikely anyone would come across my blog let alone have time to make a judgement.
I was cautious and I’d re-edit so much of my writing. The idea of having people watch was overwhelming.
Now I don’t feel like anyone is watching. Similar to yoga, the eyes have disappeared. I write because I want to explore my own ideas, not because people will read.
Both yoga and writing began as high pressure activities, but became incredibly low pressure and highly enjoyable.
Is the level of ‘audience pressure’ an indicator of something I’ll enjoy? I didn’t know beforehand whether I’d like yoga or writing.