Death and destruction

— My role in what's bad in the world

I’m still mostly vegetarian. But I’m trying to eat meat. Right now the texture is just too gross for me to handle.

As a vegetarian, people have assumptions that I love animals. And vegetarians are linked to ‘cruelty free’ living.

I never intended to be cruelty free, however, when it served me, I was ‘cruelty free’. It felt good to be a ‘positive’ improvement in the world. I was deluded enough to believe I had more of a positive impact than most.

Now I’m finally coming down to earth. I am not better than anyone. I’m not above committing carnage. Recognizing this, I can finally take responsibility for the death and destruction I’ve caused.

Last night I was cleaning the yard. I tore up the roots of plants. I killed a ton of bugs. I disturbed a rat and it had to come out of hiding. I was the sole cause of immense suffering.

Rather than hide from this identity, rather than pretending the vegetarian eating will offset my ‘badness’, I embraced the role I had on this planet, as a part in death and destruction. Whatever I do won’t prevent it and no amount of ‘goodness’ can bring back what’s dead, nor revive what’s been destroyed.

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