Unsatiated

— The new me

It's been two and a half weeks since I've gone without sweets and coffee. Although the first two weeks were physically difficult, waking up early and having random pangs of hunger throughout the day, I'm suffering from another symptom: irritability.

I have less patience and I'm feeling distant from my husband. On my third week, could I still be suffering from withdrawal? I'd think the symptoms would subside rather than rear it's head back in another form.

I'm not myself. As much as I feel better, I don't like it.

Omitting sweets has revealed something about me. I used to have a cookie, cake or some form of sweet once a day. In fact, I made many excursions looking for the most delicious dessert in the neighborhood. Despite the enormous amount of time and energy I've wasted on sweets, I don't miss them at all.

I've been eating healthier. Dinner made up of farro, sweet potatoes, spinach and eggplant.

How do I relate to myself? Maybe I didn't like them as much as I thought I did? I'm reminded of the times I spent years with ex boyfriends because I thought I was in love. I was actually in love with being in love and woke up one day to realize I didn't need to see these guys ever again. I spent so much of my life eating desserts and trying to procure the next. I never felt satisfied, perhaps because it wasn't satisfying. Each dessert made me crave more.

I feel like I've been giving myself a pacifier. There's something else I'm craving, not sure what it is but I've diverted my attention each time.

Coffee, I've come to realize, is something I'm madly in love with. I miss it everyday.

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