How Was Your Day

— What really happened

roman-ruins

I wonder.

In my dream last night, I found myself in a barber chair. My hair was clipped up and a friend approached. I believed she knew what she was doing.

'Should I tell her? That I just got my hair done by someone else?' I thought. 'No, she probably knows from just glancing.' In the dream, I'd just gotten bangs before getting to my friend's chair. She was going to make my hair even better.

She lifted my hair. In one snip, my bangs were cut uneven. There was a bald spot.

'How did she not know I already had bangs?' She had no idea what she was doing.

During the day, outside my dreams, I was baking bread and I reached the part where I had to flip the dough into a burning pan before baking.

I've done it so many times and each time, my dough would land off-center.

My husband is a far better driver than me. He's better at estimating where things are in space. I was convinced that he'd know how to flip the dough.

He flipped the dough.

I could've done a better job with my eyes closed.

In both instances, the experience I was going through was not about the bread or the hair. It was the experience of trusting others more than myself. I believed others were more qualified and in both instances, I was proven wrong.

What really happens in life? It's not necessarily the people, place or activity. It seems that the emotional experience has more to do with 'what is going on'.

I remember when my parents would ask me what happened at school. I replied by talking about what I had done, what book we read, who I hung out with. What I remember the most was feeling like I was lying. There were no words that could communicate the drama of one school day. At the same time, I wouldn't have wanted my parents to know what I'd gone through, what I might have done to others and what others had done to me.

If the same exact things happened to another person, they'd have different reactions and feelings than I had.

I remember feeling elated in winning a game, bored when I had sit in time out, scared when my friend fell asleep (I was worried others would make fun of her), depressed when a crush didn't acknowledge me, embarrassed when I farted, sad when picked on, angry when picking on others. These experiences were specific to me, and nothing that physically 'happened' comes close to describing what happened to me.

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