Berlin Botanical Garden

— Test driving a new rule

During this year's visit to the Botanischer Garten Berlin-Dahlem, I took far less photos.

I've figured a new rubric.

My mom just got on Instagram and she gets excited when her posts get likes and comments. Some are obviously bots run by people with real accounts who spam hundreds of posts with the generic: 'your feed is so awesome'. She cannot help but feel happy when she gets 'attention'. It seems like the beginning of the end, robots having the upper hand.

Only last year was I able to admit that I took photos so I could share and show people where I went. I did not engage in photo taking for the photos. I may not spend time on beauty or exercise, but I do engage in similarly vain activities in managing my online identity.

The activities may be small, from how I phrase a comment or how I write my posts, but there's a degree of vanity that goes beyond just creating something the way I want it. Just as in real life.

I wish there was a way out.

I might have a harder time controlling what I say or do in social situations, but in terms of posting online, I can apply my new rubric.

If no one will ever see the photo I'm about to take, would it still make sense to take it? Similarly, across any work: writing, making videos...if no one ever sees it, does it still make sense to make?

Why is this important...

There's a dread that comes with making things for others approval, despite the urge to be liked. I can't help myself, I want to get as many likes, accolades, etc. As I find tips and tricks to get more attention, I feel more rotten inside. I can't rationalize why.

All I know is that it's wrong for me. The attention provides a boost lasting no more than a few milliseconds, and the resulting self-loathing--eternity.

I test drove my rubric for the first time at the Berlin Botanical Garden. While I succeeded in applying the rule on photo taking, I failed when applying to video

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Maybe one day, I can attend a weekly ritual

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Mrs Dalloway for a day

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